Day 45

Yesterday was a very bad day. And it didn't seem like it was going to be that bad, but it got worse and worse as things went on.

I even debated being honest in this blog about what happened, but I need to be honest not only here, but with myself. I am not going to hold onto this for too long, but I need to keep it in mind to remind myself that reverting to old habits and behaviors will only reverse all the great work I've done thus far.

The day started out fine, shake for breakfast, remembered to drink water through the morning, then a few Quaker Quakes before heading to my afternoon job. Once there, I picked up a grilled chicken Caesar salad, which I devoured. Then, I snacked on Quaker Quakes throughout the afternoon. Probably consumed about six servings total.

Once home around 7:30 p.m., I was feeling wiped out (I think I was crashing after all the sugar from the Quaker Quakes). To energize myself, I ate the rest of the Mexican chicken (no guac, a good sign I thought). The entire time, though, from the beginning of my drive home, I was feeling like I wanted to eat and eat and eat.

So, I followed up dinner with a bunch of grapes, hoping that would hold me together. Didn't work. So, I threw together a batch of Rice Krispie treats. And... I ate almost the entire pan. Ahh yes, the binger is still in me, he was laying dormant for a long while, but he emerged last night. And I was on auto pilot for much of the night. I felt high. I kept telling myelf "only one more piece" but that didn't help. Finally, around 11:30 p.m., I took the pup for a walk and threw what remained of the treats away. I knew I couldn't cut them up and keep them around the house for a later date.

Now, technically, I chose the lesser of many evils. I was just as easily convinced that I could head to 7-Eleven and dive into some Nutter Butters, or Chips Ahoy, or... or... But I didn't do that. I ate the equivilent of about 4 cups of Rice Krispies (4 servings, 100 cal. per serving, 0g fat), 2/3 a bag of marshmellows (about 8 servings, 100 cal. per serving, 0g fat), and 2 tablespoons of butter (2 servings, 100 cal per serving, 22g fat total). And I drank water with it, like that made it all better, right?

So, that was the day that was. Of course, I pop on the scale this morning and sure enough I weigh in at three pounds heavier than I was yesterday.

So, today I have to brush myself off, keep my head high, and remain focused on the goal. Even with the three pounds I put on (maybe because of yesterday's eating, maybe for any other reason too), I'm still doing great (down 36 lbs. isn't too shabby).

Damn, this was tough to write.

So, the facts:

Day 44 food:

Shake (banana, blueberries, ice, OJ, low-fat strawberry yougurt)
Water
Quaker Quakes (1 serving)
Grilled chicken Caesar salad (full order)
Water
Quaker Quakes (4 servings)
Water
Mexican chicken (not tons, about 1/2 of a small tupperware)
Water
Grapes (about 20)
Rice Krispie treats (2/3 of a tray...)

Day 44 exercise: Three long walks

Daily weight: 251 lbs. (down 36)



So, onward and upward. I will remember, but I won't beat myself up, and I will remain focused on the goals ahead of me.

Thanks for reading.